urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pinktights ====>amanda<==== ====>amanda<==== 2008-02-29T21:19:38Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pinktights:112170 2008-02-29T21:19:38Z 2008-02-29T21:19:38Z do men and women in our society continue to promote and encourage sexism? <br /><br /><br />men are not better than women.<br /><br />men are not superior to women.<br /><br /><br />no matter how amazing someone is, if they believe that im wrong about the above two<br /><br />then i dont know if i can deal with that urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pinktights:111983 2008-01-26T21:46:18Z 2008-01-26T21:46:18Z life is working its way back to good. mike is the best boyfriend i have ever had. i guess that comes from him being my best friend first...<br />i love him and im so glad to be with him, but he needs 24 hr attention. its kinda hard for me. but i can do it for a while...<br /><br />i think about jesse sometimes though. once during sex. how terrible is that? i made im stop and i ran into the bathroom. i just...i dunno. there are no good qualities about jesse. he was bad for me is bad for me hurt me etc. yet i want to fuck him still.oi<br />oi<br />oi urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pinktights:111755 2007-12-07T21:59:00Z 2007-12-07T21:59:00Z so i dumped my boyfriend yesterday. it was for the best. he was bad for me. but i still have feelings for him, he knows it. <br /><br />i went to his house after dumping him cuz i had plans with his roomies, who are my best friends. he had his ex over....and when i got there he decided to take her in the bathroom and fuck her. <br /><br />i dont know if it was just to piss me off or because he still likes her or because he needed to just fuck and new i wouldnt. <br /><br />why do you do that to someone...its childish and cruel. <br />im not so mean as to do that to anyone no matter how mad i am that they left me. its just not right. if he did that...does that mean he didnt really have feelings for me in the first place? if you care about someone, you shouldnt be able to do that right? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pinktights:111405 2007-11-30T08:55:43Z 2007-11-30T08:55:43Z is breaking because i care so much and he is throwing his life away urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pinktights:111286 2007-11-14T19:44:34Z 2007-11-14T19:44:34Z there is a really nice really cool boy who likes me a lot. <br /><br /><br />last night i slept with his best friend...<br /><br />god what the fuck have i become? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pinktights:110909 2007-10-31T23:38:34Z 2007-10-31T23:38:34Z i really dont understand boys. i mean, i get over shit. its what i do. i move on, i find new people, new things to occupy my mind and time. this boy that i liked still thinks im like...in love with him or something? and believe me, i am SOOO over it. how can i have even liked you that much in the first place?? we didnt hang out for that long. <br /><br />ahhh its so annoying when people ASSUME things. RUDE. <br /><br />I WANT SOMEONE WHO IS RIGHT FOR ME. and if something goes wrong and things get messed up, it wasnt meant to be and we arent right for each other.i understand that now, finally, after the whole experience this summer of kyle moving away. i know that when its right, ill feel it...i wont have any confusion about it...thats how its been in the past. and thats how im going to keep it in the future. no more oh gosh i dunno shit. im going with my GUT feelings because they havent ever failed me before. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pinktights:110787 2007-10-26T22:32:56Z 2007-10-26T22:32:56Z I <br />am<br />going<br />crazy. <br /><br />I feel like everything good that ever happens to me just gets super fucked up. Its usually my fault. Im a silly ho...and I cant stop myself from being annoying. <br />AY YI YI<br /><br /><br />tonight, i shall wear a bike helmet to play beer pong. last night i walked into a pole because i was so drunk/high. I walked into it HARD, you could hear that shit. <br /><br />and i didnt even feel it. oh god i need to stop. <br /><br />i hope i dont do something stupid this weekend.... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pinktights:110435 2007-10-24T06:02:35Z 2007-10-24T06:02:35Z everything is perfect urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pinktights:110221 2007-10-21T23:54:54Z 2007-10-21T23:54:54Z life is a confusing mess urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pinktights:109980 2007-10-20T19:48:13Z 2007-10-20T19:48:13Z im slacking on homework and if i dont keep my grades up i lose more scholarships<br /><br />and i leave school<br /><br />and boys and booze are so distracting. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pinktights:109601 2007-10-18T22:53:45Z 2007-10-18T22:53:45Z seems so dirty to me lately. like, when i think about sex with anyone but someone i love it feels wrong. it didnt used to be that way...i mean...i had plenty of love-less sex this summer. <br /><br />but after my head-over-heels love affair with kurtin i dont know what to do when guys put the moves on me. its scary and i leave. huh. strange, these things. how could someone i knew for four days change my life so much???<br /><br />so i have a boy to snuggle now...and im not sure if he wants anything more than just being my boy to snuggle. it would be nice to have a boyfriend. it would be nice to have someone to love that will stick around. but maybe he isnt right for me. who knows. im trying so hard to read what he is thinking. he likes the grateful dead, trance, and me. but how much? who can really say besides him? <br /><br />eh...he is very immature but sweet and a gentleman and that is what is drawing me to him. i want my boston back because he was that and also a completely care free i dont give a fuck about anything but amanda type of guy. i dont think i could have something serious with this new one. <br /><br />and a boy down the hall from me really wants me to be his girl but i dont like him like that and in all honesty i just wouldnt allow myself to get involved with someone two doors down from me. its weird. and when things go wrong, you cant get away and youre friends with their friends and everyone knows your business all of the time. i like my privacy thanks. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pinktights:109487 2007-10-15T05:43:48Z 2007-10-15T05:43:48Z i dont think so, but i found a really nice love i guess in cali. took two days for the love...so not at first sight but close. a boy from boston<br />and i dunno. nothing can come of it...but it was magical while it lasted<br />ive never been swept off of my feet like that before. ...... so romantic <br />but the thing is....he is 27!<br />oi. he looks to be about 18. <br /><br />whateva <br />im down with the sox now. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pinktights:109069 2007-10-08T23:13:28Z 2007-10-08T23:13:28Z Hey lj. I finally was able to let go of a boy i thought i would love forever. And It feels so good. but im supposed to see him this weekend, down in san diego, and give him his sweatshirt back. What if i go and see him and love him again? I just wish there was someone else occupying my thoughts. i mean not even a boy im in a relationship with. just someone i can crush on to make sure that none of his little hippie surfer sex appeal tricks can work their magic on me.<br /><br />perhaps i will focus on my grandpa and that will make me less interested in being near "him". <br /><br />everything has become so strange. i hang out with nick culver. we have long phone convos. i chilled with steven henry and um..yeah did other things. I just applied to wsu. and i plan to go over there in the fall. i just got asked on a second date with a girl. and im going to go. I kissed my neighbor and it was a very bad kiss. i will not be kissing him again. <br /><br />tim wont stop calling,texting,trying to hang out with me. and i hate him. how does he not know that i hate his guts more than i have ever hated anyones guts before?<br /><br />tonight i go to meet the modeling agents. and get my portfolio pics. they better be good. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pinktights:109050 2007-10-02T05:03:34Z 2007-10-02T05:03:34Z so i had another of those weird hook ups<br /><br />but this time it isnt the end of something. or the beginning. at least i dont think it is. i think i got myself an BWB...huh...kinda cool.<br /><br />no one reads lj. except for you drama/renaissance faire/CR kids. you guys are cool. and i miss you. <br /><br />birthday thursday. 19. im going to BC for the weekend. im betting its a crazy time. <br /><br />I start my new job in the psych lab tomorrow. I hope I can handle real research...its gonna give me an idea of whether thats really what i want or not. i hope it is..if its not i have no idea what to do with my life.<br /><br />my doctor is worried about me and thinks that theres really something wrong. so lots of blood tests today, i should get the call tomorrow or wednesday. i hope its not serious. <br /><br />what do you think about me transferring to wsu or usd? i want a change, and i want some good friends around me. right now i feel like im drifting with a bunch of aquaintances and its not bad...but not all that fun either. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pinktights:108762 2007-08-26T04:35:43Z 2007-08-26T04:35:43Z ialkdfhv<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />did you guys do anything this weekend? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pinktights:108439 2007-08-21T21:29:32Z 2007-08-21T21:29:32Z I just felt the need. I have so much happening at once in my life.<br /><br />This has been an amazing summer, I fell out of love and then back in love with the most amazing perfect person. But it wasnt all great. I knew he would be leaving for san diego to start school, but i still let myself fall.<br /> <br />Im glad i'll be free once again, but you know, It all felt so RIGHT. I know we can stay friends and be together when he is home on break, but it wont be the same and i dont think my feelings will stop. Because well, its like we have some deep rooted connection, like he has been there all along with me and knows me better than anyone else. <br /><br />Its coming to a close and now i must move on, be strong, and try and erase the feeling that i have inside thats telling me he is the one and im losing him. <br /><br />Im not completely devastated. I usually would be. But i have a sense of calm, like everything will be ok because we are meant to be. But really i dont know if he sees it that way. <br /><br />im repeating<br /><br />whatever. <br />going on vaca in the morn w/him, a sort of last hoorah. hopefully it will all work itself out urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pinktights:108102 2007-05-23T03:23:16Z 2007-05-23T03:23:16Z Hey Hey Hey LJ Pals.<br /><br />i've been gone for so long<br /><br /><br />how is everyone doing? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pinktights:107691 2007-04-23T04:14:01Z 2007-04-23T04:14:01Z in a great mood. <br /><br /><br />things are interesting lately<br /><br />but im happy with myself and im happy with my love<br /><br />it all feels so nice. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pinktights:107295 2007-04-05T04:31:01Z 2007-04-05T04:31:01Z i wish i could get more respect from people. it seems like no one ever listens to me<br /><br />im fucking tired of peoples shit urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pinktights:107095 2007-03-19T04:51:54Z 2007-03-19T04:51:54Z AHHHHHHHHHHHH i fucking hate you i want to kill you fucking liar. <br /><br /><br /><br />the end. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pinktights:106989 2007-03-09T21:08:49Z 2007-03-09T21:08:49Z home. tonight. i cannot wait. i miss everything about home. home. home. home. home. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pinktights:106532 2007-03-01T23:22:10Z 2007-03-01T23:22:10Z i dont know why im making myself miserable this way. i really have some people here right now who care about me a lot. i mean, sure they dont love me unconditionally but i should be happy with what ive got. they are awesome and take care of me and help me with whatever i need. i just feel like theres a hole inside of me. like im pretending that everything is fine just so they dont worry. but really, i miss being in love and thats the problem. i fall in love way too easy. i love too much and too hard. i feel my emotions so deeply that everything people i care about say or do effect me to the core. <br /><br />im too in tune with my emotions, too deep, too passionate about everything. <br /><br />i used to love those things about myself, but now i just feel as if all they do is cause me pain. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pinktights:106464 2007-02-27T04:06:30Z 2007-02-27T04:06:30Z so i am contemplating this whole relationship idea<br /><br />im not sure that i want it <br /><br />but im not sure that i DONT want it. <br /><br /><br />i like him, he likes me, i like his friends more, they like me more than they like him <br /><br />i have no idea where this is going... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pinktights:106010 2007-02-19T00:19:36Z 2007-02-19T00:19:36Z how in the hell did this whole situation occur urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pinktights:105903 2007-02-12T06:19:15Z 2007-02-12T06:19:15Z what in the heck am i doing?